bioxoid

bioxoid:mcull

Archive for May, 2009

7 day forecast

Quiet hostilities,
trebuchet,
and on and on,
with occasional amnesty.

Charon

All the things I’ve never said
are alike in their mute potential
and nothing else, a quiet and
motley congregation, waiting
at the shore for my tongue
to show up to row them
across the river.

Road pics

origins

I have a prurient fascination with origin stories. So do you. But don’t they always disappoint? Too often too much of a character’s origin hinges on one crucial event. The time he falls down a well into a cave filled with bats. Etc.

It’s a no-win proposition. The only characters we crave to know back stories for are the ones rich, smokey, contradictory enough to want to puzzle them out, to deconstruct them and retrace the forces that bent them into (or out of) shape. Thus, the greater the disappointment when, the rounder they are the harder they fall flat with a simple explanation, a single event or loss or injustice that exclusively marks their transition from the-path-of-an-otherwise-ordinary-life to the path-of-extraordinary-virtue-or-passion that we will come to know only in later episodes of life.

Thinking about it, I don’t even reject that we people are sometimes crafted or disproportionately made into ourselves by one singular trauma, obsession, epiphany. So origin stories are sometimes accurate. But, like many accurate things, the knowing is just so rarely as satisfying as the wondering.

What are the origin stories you tell yourself about yourself? What have you decided are your formative moments? Do allow yourself to be a mystery to yourself, or must you have an explanation? I was formed in fire by fire, and live to avenge and pay retribution for my father’s sins. I also played tee ball, had a hamster, and was crippled by shyness around girls. Who the fuck knows…maybe the falsity is that we are unitary enough to warrant only one origin. Maybe the real question is what are the various origins of myselves?

Notebook

Hummingbirds and sharks, ravenous monsters, no hands to hold their grace in, mouthfirst joyless never-landing,only motion, lifeloops ribbon through air and sea, beautiful monsters, ceaseless like heart blood

Plaid + Pleix

I miss you, Brainiac